


Eggnancy Blues

by orphan_account



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: AU Where Humans Lay Eggs, DCU Eggschange, Eggnancy, Eggs, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 00:32:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16691914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dick tells Cass his egg is Slade Wilson's bastard.





	Eggnancy Blues

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LuthienLuinwe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuthienLuinwe/gifts).



> I have no excuses

There was no doubting it. The egg was Slade’s

Of course, it was much more his than Slade’s, Dick thought as he adjusted the large pale orange egg in its bat themed incubator yet again. He had been the one to carry it for its first month of formation and he had been the one to push it out of his cloaca. Slade had just happened to do the whole insemination thing, which had lasted all of ten minutes. It hadn’t even been a very fun night- but Dick had been off on his calculations of when he was ovulating and after a month passed by without him popping out the monthly infertile chicken sized egg, there was no question that he was eggnant.

When the egg, which was almost too big to handle, being on the larger size for eggs, had been laid the question of parentage came up. The unfortunate thing was that Dick hadn’t slept around. He had been sticking to his masturbation schedule while he waited to either find the right partner or find the timing to ask them out. The _thing_ with Slade had been a fluke. A one-time thing. It hadn’t meant to amount to anything.

Dick adjusted the egg in its incubator again. The incubator was a new thing. He had spent the last week nesting until he had gotten so restless, he had relented and let Bruce build him the most over the top incubator he’d ever seen in his life. Now he was restless when he wasn’t near his egg.

Being eggnant was the worst.

The worst part was that the egg was Slade’s. Even if Dick had been sleeping with literally anyone else in the world at the time, he had seen Joey and Rose Wilson’s egg pictures. They had been the same pale orange his own egg was. And everyone knew that the egg’s color came from the inseminator, not the layer. This was a cloaca fresh Wilson egg, alright.

He hadn’t told Slade he was having his egg. They weren’t exactly on speaking terms, after all. Mostly they fought and fucked on occasion when the mood and sexual tension was just too high and it overcame them both.

Dick couldn’t imagine Slade dropping everything to come help him look after the egg for the eight long months ahead of him. He sighed. It sure would be less lonely if the inseminator of his egg was around, but that was also stupid biology talking.  
  
“Sad?” Cass asked. Dick had barely noticed her come in. Cass was silent without meaning too, thanks to all her training. She must have been making noise as not to startle him. Cass was his best, but also only, sister.

“No, I’m just watching the egg,” Dick responded. He was sitting beside it, eyes locked on it as the incubator took care of the actual keeping it warm part.

Cass made a small hum which meant _I know you’re lying and it wasn’t even a good one_. She crossed to tap the incubator. “Egg?” she asked, before reaching over to tap Dick’s stomach.

Of all his siblings, Dick hadn’t been expecting Cass to be the most interested in his eggnancy, but she had asked for clarification that the egg was his nearly ten times, when she likely knew just by his body language that it was his.  
  
Her eyebrows scrunched together as she sat on the table next to the incubator. She gave the egg a little pat. “You did not want egg?” she asked, seeming confused.

“It wasn’t planned, no,” Dick admitted.

Cass, who had always been quick on the uptake still seemed confused.

Oh. _Oh._

Cass was an inseminator, not a layer and had been raised as an assassin. It was very unlikely David Cain had ever bothered to explain where eggs came from, since that wasn’t exactly in his normal realm of “hey I’m going to shoot at you point blank”. Dick knew Bruce well enough to know that he wouldn’t have even thought of it, since Cass was a solid sixteen when he took her in, being an inseminator on top of it. There were things Bruce was very very good at but talking to his children about sex and their bodies was not one of them.

(For example, Dick had received a few printouts and a “My Cloaca and Me” pamphlet in lieu of a proper talk.)

It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that Cass didn’t know how eggs were laid.

Oh god, he absolutely did not want to be responsible for explaining eggnancy to Cass. He didn’t want to explain eggnancy to anyone until his own egg hatched and was grown up. How had this become his responsibility?

“The egg’s other parent and I hadn’t been, um, expecting to make an egg,” Dick responded and hoped he could push explaining eggnancy to Cass off onto someone else. Like Babs. Yeah, Cass was like a daughter to Bas and her mentee. This should be her job!

Cass blinked owlishly at him, absentmindedly stroking his egg.

“It was an unplanned eggnancy,” Dick tried again. “That’s why I haven’t told… the egg’s other parent.”  
  
Cass raised her eyebrow. It was more in judgement than confusion then, so at least he was narrowly avoiding explaining how eggs were made. Phew! That was a close one.

Dick ran his hand through his hair, taking his egg from its incubator and hugging it to his chest. He would have sat on it, like a proper layer, but his nest was upstairs in his room and he didn’t feel comfortable sitting on his egg outside of his nest in case a bout of paternal instinct came and he decided to sit for the next few hours.

As he had said before, eggnancy sucked. The restlessness and paternal desire to nest came and went and he couldn’t predict when one would happen.

“Look, I’m having Slade Wilson’s bastard egg, alright,” Dick tried not to snap at his sister.

“This is why you are… sad?” Cass seemed to be searching for a more suitable word, but one didn’t come to her. She placed her hand on the egg.

“I’m not about to tell Deathstroke the Terminator that I laid his egg, no matter how lonely I feel.” That was the other worst part of eggnancy, was the desire for your inseminator to come and care for you and your egg during your eight months of sitting.  
  
Cass nodded sagely before pulling Dick into a hug, egg nestled warmly between them. Cass, he knew, understood feeling lonely, maybe more than any of the rest of them. They sat like that, hugging and warming the egg together for several minutes before Cass pulled back, looking confused around.

“How is… egg accident?” she asked curiously and mildly, drawing little patterns into the egg’s shell.

Dick’s face paled. He had hoped she wouldn’t ask him again about the whole eggnancy thing. He couldn’t do this. This was outside his jurisdiction as a big brother, thanks, and he’d only been a parent for a month.  
  
“That’s a question for Babs.”

Cass laughed at his terror. She was also his worst sister.


End file.
